ahh. Why is the clock moving so slow? Why is it still at 9:23am?? can't wait! I can't wait to see my timetable! I can't wait to know if we have changed classes!
10:00, the computer clock showed. No matter how badly I had wanted to know if my prayers came true, I didn't dare to log in to check my timetable. Let it be. I told myself. I was totally prepared for the worst, even if I were to live that way I used to. All I knew was I just want to get out of TP real quick. I want to hop on the Hell Express--- (to get out of hell, not into; but in case it's INTO, the journey will be swift, cos it is express anyways;)
Then Amelia broke the news to me that we hadn't changed classes. Yup, I was totally prepared. Yet somehow, my heart just shattered... I felt like dissolving, I could only think of living the present first, do my work properly, sad later. Or maybe some part of me in the debris of my shattered heart, I was denying the truth. In psychology, that is the self-denial approach, so I didn't want to see for myself. But in fact, I didn't want to feel sad.. I was numb already. Let it be then.
So we had lunch at 1. What makes it different this time is that Jenny had paid for our Uncle Aw's takeaways (her treat!). heh Big hugs for Jenny. Love her man. Amel had a huge appetite today... because her puurrrr-fect boyfriends had the same packed lunch as her-- Yangzhou Fried Rice. oh, Brilliant! That's Great, great great... wha Amel.. not bad ah! haha. While we were eating, Jenny and WaiLin were on the topics of giving birth. "Hey Jen, did you realise you are digging history?" Ugh. That was pretty gross. She was talking about her son's delivery process, how she had anasthetics injected and the labour pain she had gone thru. And that her room mates around her had caesarian as they wanted their kids to be born on National Day. ohh. haha. This is interesting. From then on, Jenny and Hubby got a pair of NDP tix every national day, thanks to their son, and they live happily ever after.
In the afternoon, while I was sitting at my desk having fun by myself, Amelia came. (Cheeky ah she.. want to see her boyfriends again! haa) And she told me our classes change! My heart glued back into one piece immediately. That was really quite confirmed already I guess. I was getting all excited.. couldn't sit still, so I went to deliver a package to 3rd Floor but went to the ground level instead. Never mind. When I returned, I waited eagerly for the computer clock to display an auspicious time... and I logged on to print my timetable again and checked my ex classmates'. hehe. It DID! oh GREAT! Purrfect! It worked! Although it could have been better if I am in the same class as Adel and Amel, but never mind, count my blessings;) and My prayers, my chants, my self-denial.. they work!
C'mon. It is just a timetable. Besides, the people in banking and finance, ain't they all the same?? You find a few different ones and you know, their hearts don't belong here at all. To me, it is more than that. It is not merely a change of class, but a change of my environment and my school life. I need it. I need this to regain my confidence and motivation, my life.
At least for now, I feel a little hopeful of school. I have most of them fears inside me, but I know.. this is a challenge for me.
a bipolar kinda personality;
love things to the extreme opposites;
minimalist;
love art, beautiful things,
love travelling,
getting lost & finding my way out again.
i live a simple life, the life i want ME to be;)